Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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