There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
