i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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