no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
