when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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