I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
