He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
