After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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