You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
