remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
