Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
