am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
