I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found your dick twin last night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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