Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
