i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
