I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
