Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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