i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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