dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize