im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
