i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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