You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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