I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
