i need an iv and a liver transplant
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican