I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened