He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.