Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process