He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!