she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.