would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out