My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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