they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
