Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize