i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
