i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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