I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
