u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
