Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
where are my eyebrows?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
