That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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