hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
