Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
