im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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