Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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