If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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