my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
