New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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