I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
