He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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