it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
