Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
