i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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