glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
