i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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