Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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