i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
