He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
