um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
