I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
