He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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