Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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