I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
