Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
