How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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