The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
