Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
