She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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