My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
